Crossroads

I have been pretty blog silent the last few months. Life has been happening around me and sometimes it feels like I'm moving so fast and then slowing down. Time has been rubber banding around me. This summer is a crossroads, a place and a time that I set for myself to make decisions. And they are not decisions I can make lightly.

When I first decided to stay home with the baby that would be Elisabeth, it was always until the youngest started kindergarten. And Jacob is starting kindergarten in less than a month. We got his card telling us the day and time to show up for his first day (which is testing) and then his official orientation. Wow! It's leaving me speechless to think about my baby going into kindergarten.

At the same time many possibilities are opening up in front of me. So many different choices. A few years back (probably five, maybe more) I decided that I'd like to make my living as a freelance writer. And the last few years that's what I've been doing. It's moved from part-time income to full-time income. And then the bottom fell out from under me about a year ago, and I've really struggled to stay on top of it. I've been blessed, and I'm managing to make about the same or more. But it isn't steady, and it is stressful, and it leaves me a lot to think about.

And then I throw into the mix that a few years ago I decided to give myself until this moment to get published so that I wouldn't have to go back to work. I need to contribute to supporting my family and taking care of them but it is tough to balance full-time work even when all of your kids are in school. Plus we'd still have to pay for before and after school care. If the kids are sick and I'm working from home no big deal. If I've got an outside of the house job, it gets complicated. Plus I want to be there with them in the evenings and meet them at the bus.

I also think that every decision I make right now is going to affect them later on. My priorities regarding family time, homework time, spiritual issues and money issues are all going to influence my kids. And so the choices I have in front of me aren't easy to make.

So that is why I haven't written lately.

The kids are having a pretty fun summer. We've been to Carowinds, survived a pretty scary lightening storm while we were there, been swimming, had play dates, slept in late, stayed up way too late and now we're watching the Olympics.

Some days are better than others and summer is almost over.